


Maybe One Day

by Fangirlxtrash



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, Chubby Yuuri, FLUFF FLUFF FUFF, Insecurities, Insecurity, M/M, Oneshot, TW for anxiety attack, They're so sweet, Viktor just loves him so much, and also for bulimic IDEATION, anxiety attack, he doesn't do anything just a warning, internalized body shame, self love, stretch marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 15:36:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10597023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlxtrash/pseuds/Fangirlxtrash
Summary: In which Yuuri Katsuki has a panic attack over some simple stretch marks and Viktor saves the day.!Unbeta'd as it's 4AM where I am and this is just a quick little one shot!





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Icedaddys_icebaby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icedaddys_icebaby/gifts).



 

Looking in the mirror was becoming harder and harder for Katsuki Yuuri.

He’d had this battle with his inner self before, it wasn't really anything new: simultaneously defending and hurting himself while standing naked in his and his fiancé’s shared bedroom, posing half heartedly and dejectedly shaking his head at his reflection. Usually, he’d win against his thoughts, playing the reassuring mantra in his head over and over again that _Viktor loved him and they were okay._

If that was the thing that usually worked for him though, why did it feel so different this time? Why wasn’t it working _now?_

_So what if I’ve put on a little weight since retirement?_ the Japanese man tried (and was slowly failing) to reason with himself, putting his shirt back on and reaching over to take a sip of his tea. _It’s not like Viktor hasn’t seen me like this before-_

-That was when he caught a glance of his reflection in the mirror again -only from the side this time-, and his heart _sank_.

_Wait. Actually... He hasn’t seen me like this before….At least, not all of me…_ He thought, raising his shirt a little higher only to see the horrifying scatter of _new_ _stretch marks_ all over the side of his tummy, floating around here and there down to the beginning of his thighs and side of his ass. Yuuri furiously hurried to put the rest of his clothes back on. He just couldn’t look anymore.

Viktor had seen him in his chubbier state, sure, but the sudden realization that he’d never seen him _completely naked_ and chubby was just now settling into his bones and rattling him from the inside out. The stretch marks…Viktor had never seen the mother-fucking stretch marks. 

Hell, he probably didn’t even know what those looked like! He _was_ born perfect, after all…

_Oh God_. Viktor was going to leave him. 

The Russian constantly talked about how he loved beautiful things, from his skating costumes down to the rings that donned their fingers. He loved beauty, and there was nothing pretty about being so fucking huge and having such deep marks all over your body from where your skin had stretched too much too fast.

He had always been susceptible to putting on weight _very_ quickly ever since he was a child, which of course made him the target for a lot of bullying. It broke him pretty badly, if he was being honest with himself. 

However, he was always able to power through the teasing with the help and encouragement of his dear friend Yuko and his determined ballet teacher Minako.

Before long, he had the lean frame that he had always hoped for, and maintained it with conditioning and strength exercises, leading to the skating career which of course was a _huge_ help in the maintenance of his new body.

That all ended after the infamous GPF where he heard the news of his darling pet Vicchan passing away right before competing, resulting in a panic attack before going on ice and having a mental meltdown while _on_ the ice.

After that he just…. _let go. S_ tarted binge eating again, turning back to food for emotional support and gaining all of the weight that he’d tried so hard to keep off, back. 

That’s when Viktor came in, and honestly, the rest is history. 

However, history was all that was playing in the young man’s head right now.

The over working of his body, Viktor’s less than motivating “You don’t want that piggy body forever, do you?” ringing in his ears as he ran miles and miles every morning and restricted what he was eating until he was back down to his goal weight. It hurt, especially when Viktor seemed to like him more when he was thinner.

_He only liked you back then because you had his ideal body type for a partner_. The nasty little voice in the back of his head whispered. _Viktor fucking Nikiforov made you skate Eros, you idiot. That’s all sexual love—there was never any real romance there._

Yuuri felt the tears coming. His precious Vitya was going to leave him. Worse than that, he was going to be home any minute now, walking into a room where his _fat, ugly_ fiancé was sitting on their bed and crying. 

What a fucking sight.

Despite all of the warning bells sounding off in his head about his partner coming home soon, he just sat on their bed and cried.

_I could always hold off sex with him until I hit the gym for a bit and eat a bit cleaner, but he’d know something is up and I can’t lie to him…_

Yuuri couldn’t breathe. Was the room getting smaller? No, it was probably just him getting _huger_. 

Spiralling in his own little whirlwind of self hatred, the Japanese man curled up into the fetal position in the centre of their bed and started to hyperventilate, holding his head in his hands, pulling at his hair. 

_I need to stop._

_I need to wash my face. I can’t have Viktor knowing that I was crying just now._

_I need to get myself together._

No matter how many times Yuuri told himself all of this though, he just couldn’t move. Not until the stupid idea dawned on him.

_I could just make myself throw up…_ He thought to himself, slowing his breathing slightly and sitting up slowly. He was a bit light headed at this point but he managed to push through. _Yuko told me once that she did that for a while when we were fifteen and she was so thin then! Yeah, I’ll do that and then Viktor can still love me_.

He was just on the way to the bathroom to throw his plan into action when he heard the key in the lock.

_Fuck._

Could he make it to the bathroom on time? He couldn’t tell Viktor that it was food poisoning or the flu or anything because that would make the ashen haired man worry and dote on him and he just didn’t deserve that…

“Yuuri! I’m home!” came the singsong voice from the front hall.

“H-hi Vitya!” he called back, silently cursing himself for doing so as now he he had no chance to stealthily sneak into the bathroom to do his deed. He was now frozen in the hallway from their bedroom to the bathroom.

“Oh, Yuuri! You wouldn’t _believe_ the day I had on coaching duty at the rink.” Viktor sighed as he rounded the corner to see his fiancé standing in the hallway. “Yurio had some kind of fit today and-“ he paused, taking in his lovers tearstained face and nervous stance. 

“What’s wrong, my love?”

“Nothing, love. Tell me about your day.”

The Russian man looked concerned and inched closer to Yuuri, slowly taking the tired looking man into his arms and kissing the top of his head.

“My day can wait. I’m more concerned about my дорогой right now.” he whispered. “Won’t you tell me what’s going on, sweet love?”

All it took was to look into those kind, sincere blue eye for him to crack. He burrowed further into his partner’s chest and let out a heartbreaking wail, sobs racking his shorter frame and emitting the occasional low whimper.

When he had managed to regain some semblance of control over his breathing, he took a sharp, gasping breath.

“I’m sorry, Viktor. I don’t mean to cry and cause you so much trouble…I’ve just had a rough day.”

The taller man said nothing has he waddled his dearest into their bedroom, maintaining their embrace the whole time. Once he had sat Yuuri on their bed, and rearranged their position so that the Japanese man was resting his head on his shoulder with his arms wrapped around his waist, he spoke again.

“Tell me about your rough day, Сокровище.”

Yuuri simply shook his head. “It’s so silly.”  


“No, _Makkachin_ is silly. You and your problems aren’t. I don’t care how little you think it is, darling, please tell me.” 

And so, Yuuri did. He even went into detail about how he was considering making himself sick to get rid of the lunch he had had earlier that day. How ugly his stretch marks were. How he was scared that Viktor would stop loving him because he wasn’t beautiful anymore…everything. It was like once he started, he just couldn’t stop. Once he finished, he lifted his head off of his fiancé’s shoulder to look into crystalline blue eyes.

“Yuuri….”

“I told you it was silly.”

“Oh Yuuri, I’m so sorry.”  


“What? No, _I’m_ sorry.”

“But you have nothing to be-“

“-I’m sorry I got fat.” he interrupted.  


“Yuuri-” Viktor warned.

“-I’m sorry that I got fat and that I had to get _these._ ” He exclaimed through hot tears, roughly pulling his shirt up to expose his stretch marks. “I know they’re ugly, but I know there has to be _some_ way to get rid of them! And I’ll-  


“-Yuuri! Breathe, please. Darling, I couldn’t care less about what you looked like. The only reason I was pushing you so hard _four years ago_ was because I saw all of your potential and I knew your weight would just hold you back, amongst other things. I never meant to shame you, my sweet sweet Ангел. I’m so sorry.”

The pair sat there in silence for a moment before Viktor spoke again.

“You’re not ugly, Yuuri. You’re beautiful. You always have been, and always will be.”

“But-“

“-No. No buts.” he said firmly, reaching over and pulling the Japanese man’s shirt off, ignoring the soft sounds of protest. “I don’t see any ugly here. I see a beautiful man who just has more for me to love.”

“What-“

Viktor suddenly pushed Yuuri down on their bed so that he was lying flat on his back and staring at the ceiling. 

“Let’s start here.” he said, kissing the tip of his nose.

“I love this.” a kiss to his jawline,

“I love this.” a kiss to the top of his collarbone.

“I love this.” a kiss over the top of his belly button.

“And I _really_ love these.” he said, kissing each and every stretch mark he could find. Yuuri squirmed a little, the sensation tickling him in the most strange and delightful way. “Oh Yuuri, I really love these. Look at them! A tiger who has really earned his stripes.”  


“Viktor you don’t have to-“

“But I do. I really, really love them, my sweet.”

Yuuri blushed.

“I love this,” he continued, planting a kiss to the top of his clothed thigh.

“I love this.” A kiss to his kneecap.

And, he slid back up Yuuri’s body to meet his lips in a gentle kiss. “I love you. All of you. Every single beautiful inch of you. I love you. I love you I love you I love you.”

“I love you too, Vitya.”

And maybe one day Yuuri Katsuki would believe that he was beautiful. Maybe one day, he wouldn't put such a simple number and attach it to his worth. Maybe one day, he would be able to look into the mirror and not cry.  

Until then though, he knew that the love of his love would be there to pick up the pieces that he just couldn't handle.

He wasn't alone anymore.

 


End file.
